Monday, May 13, 2013

the best Mother's Day gift

Today was my first official Mother's Day.  Last year I received a gift at church (they gave a pen to each mother), because the kids handing them out knew I was expecting.  It was sweet and touched my heart dearly.  I still have that pen.  In the diaper bag for a sweet reminder. :)

However this year I woke up with a whole new reason to rejoice and be glad.  I didn't get breakfast in bed (YEP!), or get out of changing diapers, or any kind of special treatment.  Actually, my hubby joked that the carnation I received at church was given to me because he had called ahead of time to have them bring one for me.  Clever babe.  Nice work.  ;)

Know my heart is not filled with envy for those who got breakfast in bed.

Or got special treatment.

Or didn't have to do "dirty" work.

and maybe you got a special treat from your kids

or a forever to do list completed by your hubby as a special thanks.

I got a gift.

It's the gift of Jesus.  Mercy.  Love.  Forgiveness.

Remember this post?

That post is all about the reason I changed my blog title.

It also explains where my heart is.  Right now.

You see, even after moments of today feeling like, "Why am I doing this?" or "I truly would appreciate some french toast, thanks." or "Thanks for rubbing my feet!"  But nothing.  Nothing would compare to being SET FREE.

Today we sang that song.  The same song that was sung before I came up with this blog title.  The song that helps explain my faith journey.  And as I sang those lyrics this morning, I cried out to my Father in thanksgiving.

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
and grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
the hour I first believed

My chains are gone 
I've been set free
My God my Savior has ransomed me
and like a flood His mercies reign
unending love
amazing grace     

A couple weeks ago I was leaning over a toilet out of control, praying, crying out to God to be delivered from the pain.  I wanted to be SET FREE and delivered.  I wanted to feel His mercy.  And He gave it to me.  Without wanting anything in return.  I plead with Him every morning....please Father, keep my baby in my tummy healthy.  Thank you for this time of strength.  Thank you for letting me be the Mommy I want to be to my baby girl, Ellie.  I've missed her.

I was missing who I knew I could be.  The mom I always was to Ellie.  She was seeing a new Mommy.  The kind of Mommy she didn't deserve.  The Mommy I couldn't look in the mirror and be content with.  The one I continued to tell, "Be strong..  Lean on Jesus."

And with HIS STRENGTH I am able to be the Mommy I want to be to Ellie.  The wife I want to be to Jon.  The daughter I want to be to my parents (while temporarily living under their roof).  The sister I want to be to my siblings.  The aunt I want to be to my nephews and nieces.  The friend I want to be to those I haven't been able to reach out to since we lived farther away and then I got sick and pregnant.  I can't wait to what this next month has to offer.  And in the mean time thanking my Heavenly Father He has given me the chance to feel better--to reach my potential--and be back to a better "normal."

A month ago I was getting "breakfast in bed" and praying it wouldn't come back out.  And half the time it did.  A few times hubby carried me (holding my garbage can) up the stairs before he left for work.  He was always willing to help me start the day before he left.  But today I didn't get breakfast in bed.  I got something better.  I was capable of getting it myself, enjoyed every bite, and kept it down! :)

It was a Happy Mother's Day to me today, because God has given me such a GREAT gift.  The gift of mothering another baby where my pregnancy sickness has died down sooner than ever thought possible.  A loving family who has helped and supported me along the way, and a sweet daughter to remember God's unending love for His children.

and now SO looking forward to Father's Day!! :)

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