the best Mother's Day gift

Today was my first official Mother's Day.  Last year I received a gift at church (they gave a pen to each mother), because the kids handing them out knew I was expecting.  It was sweet and touched my heart dearly.  I still have that pen.  In the diaper bag for a sweet reminder. :)

However this year I woke up with a whole new reason to rejoice and be glad.  I didn't get breakfast in bed (YEP!), or get out of changing diapers, or any kind of special treatment.  Actually, my hubby joked that the carnation I received at church was given to me because he had called ahead of time to have them bring one for me.  Clever babe.  Nice work.  ;)

Know my heart is not filled with envy for those who got breakfast in bed.

Or got special treatment.

Or didn't have to do "dirty" work.

and maybe you got a special treat from your kids

or a forever to do list completed by your hubby as a special thanks.

I got a gift.

It's the gift of Jesus.  Mercy.  Love.  Forgiveness.

Remember this post?

That post is all about the reason I changed my blog title.

It also explains where my heart is.  Right now.

You see, even after moments of today feeling like, "Why am I doing this?" or "I truly would appreciate some french toast, thanks." or "Thanks for rubbing my feet!"  But nothing.  Nothing would compare to being SET FREE.

Today we sang that song.  The same song that was sung before I came up with this blog title.  The song that helps explain my faith journey.  And as I sang those lyrics this morning, I cried out to my Father in thanksgiving.

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
and grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
the hour I first believed

My chains are gone 
I've been set free
My God my Savior has ransomed me
and like a flood His mercies reign
unending love
amazing grace     

A couple weeks ago I was leaning over a toilet out of control, praying, crying out to God to be delivered from the pain.  I wanted to be SET FREE and delivered.  I wanted to feel His mercy.  And He gave it to me.  Without wanting anything in return.  I plead with Him every morning....please Father, keep my baby in my tummy healthy.  Thank you for this time of strength.  Thank you for letting me be the Mommy I want to be to my baby girl, Ellie.  I've missed her.

I was missing who I knew I could be.  The mom I always was to Ellie.  She was seeing a new Mommy.  The kind of Mommy she didn't deserve.  The Mommy I couldn't look in the mirror and be content with.  The one I continued to tell, "Be strong..  Lean on Jesus."

And with HIS STRENGTH I am able to be the Mommy I want to be to Ellie.  The wife I want to be to Jon.  The daughter I want to be to my parents (while temporarily living under their roof).  The sister I want to be to my siblings.  The aunt I want to be to my nephews and nieces.  The friend I want to be to those I haven't been able to reach out to since we lived farther away and then I got sick and pregnant.  I can't wait to what this next month has to offer.  And in the mean time thanking my Heavenly Father He has given me the chance to feel better--to reach my potential--and be back to a better "normal."

A month ago I was getting "breakfast in bed" and praying it wouldn't come back out.  And half the time it did.  A few times hubby carried me (holding my garbage can) up the stairs before he left for work.  He was always willing to help me start the day before he left.  But today I didn't get breakfast in bed.  I got something better.  I was capable of getting it myself, enjoyed every bite, and kept it down! :)

It was a Happy Mother's Day to me today, because God has given me such a GREAT gift.  The gift of mothering another baby where my pregnancy sickness has died down sooner than ever thought possible.  A loving family who has helped and supported me along the way, and a sweet daughter to remember God's unending love for His children.

and now SO looking forward to Father's Day!! :)

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I was raised by a strict purity culture, and my father is a narcissistic sex addict

Image
  I would like to imagine life without hidden secrets or agendas.  If my desires could be brought to life my childhood would have been completely different.   ~~~~~ Until recently, I had never heard of the term "purity culture."  When I learned more about it, everything began to come clear to me.  The harsh feelings of betrayal stood out in my life countless times upon investing in space to process all the areas purity culture has entered into my way of thinking.  Purity culture is gender expectations based on a strict stereotype.  Men are expected to be strong, "masculine" leaders of the household, church, and society.  Women are expected to support them -- to be pretty, "feminine," sweet, supportive wives and mothers.  Before I go on into more detail, I can't help but notice things from that stereotype that has definite red flags.  Never once did it mention men are to be fathers, but it surely intended on making clear to state about women becoming su
Read more

Every Voice Matters

Image
  I was raised in a household where my voice wasn't heard.  My opinions didn't matter, and my questions were not respected.  The space around me was filled with chaos and noise that didn't make sense to me.  I was surrounded by dictatorship in my own home.  I had dominate people directing me and pushing me to do what they wanted me to do.  Meanwhile a few of us sitting back in agony and confusion of why this was able to occur.  This led to my silence, social anxiety, and self doubt.  The voice inside my head never stops.  It takes on overwhelming pressure to make decisions.  It's confusing when I make a boundary.  Growing up the boundaries were constantly broken, and yet I had no clue what was happening.  Especially because of the fact I didn't know boundaries existed.  The voice inside my head wanted to scream and run and yet I had nothing to say that would make them listen. The lack of confidence in every thing I do is portrayed by my ability to fill my living spa
Read more

Things that change with a baby....

Image
Two months of changes: Use alarm clock to check length of feedings and not to wake you up. Prepare to have outings take "that much" longer. Lean over to cuddle with hubby and realize he has already left for work. (added later) Husbands call their wives Mommy, and Husbands are called Daddy Touch cold zipper and think you have spit up on you. More poop, more smiles. Perspectives change: dirty diapers a good thing because it means a healthy baby Realizing the amount of junk you eat, because it goes to the baby also Clothes are hardly ever clean and once you get the chance to do a load--she wets or blowouts on more! You get delighted to hear a burp, especially when it finally comes out after one of those middle of the night feedings. Your free-time becomes getting another snack or meal, changing a load of laundry, taking a shower, or updating your grocery list and meal plan. Watching TV/Netflix, checking up on Facebook, or watching a movie takes the p
Read more