Thursday, February 24, 2011

Old Poem

This is an old poem I wrote to Jon 10/6/09.  It's not a poem about him, just what was going through my mind during quiet times with the Lord.


Title: don't know yet
 
Tears stuck to my face
God's love filled with grace
I'm lost in the pain
One less HOUR to gain.
Distance seems so far away
leading me down in dismay
The pain increases
like emptiness.
My gut pulled,
my emotions cold.
 
My lonely heart grieves
fearing your needs.
The stuff I have to let go
and allow the pain to stay though.
How do I forgive?
How do I let go?
All the pain to the Lord, I give
because my energy is at low,
and I know
My God wants to see me
where I should be.
On my knee.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Rejoice! Again I say Rejoice!

[Note: I was not in writing mode when I wrote this.  However it was something I needed to share.]

In a deep conversation my husband and I were having, I was pretty upset with him.  Now, I love my husband.  I would do anything for him and try my hardest to do things how he likes them to be done.  I want to help, support, respect, and show love in any way I can.  But this topic messed with my mind, and to this day I am still battling with God with how to retrain my mind.  Through my husband, God spoke to me words that I want to say are not true--but because my husband believes that it is true, it is a fact.

I have a problem.  I am sinful.

My husband made a comment that I can still hear in my ears every day and every night as I drift off to sleep.

"You're not a very joyful person."


WHAT?  Mary?  Not joyful?  Are you kidding me???

God, what does this mean?  I have energy for others, I love life, and think "glass half full" thoughts.  When people tell me three things about me one of them is always my outgoing spirit or endless energy.

I replied to Jon with questions of, "I don't know what you mean by this?" and "Usually people tell me the opposite."

What he meant was this:
When things are not planned, when trials come my way, when I am neither happy nor sad about something....my husband can tell.  I allow my emotions to get in the way.

I am not living out:

Psalm 13:5
But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.
Psalm 16:9
Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure,

Jon gave me examples.  "I feel like you think you have to be perfect at everything you do.  If it doesn't turn out the way you had hoped, you let your feelings take over.  Just be confident in yourself and smile."

Smile?  Honey, you want me to smile when things don't go right?

Psalm 28:7
The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.

Sigh.  So no matter what, I need to give praise to God and be joyful always!  In my life, I must be trusting in Jon and not in God.  I'm trusting that if Jon is happy with how things are going, then things must be okay.  BUT what I should be thinking is, "If God is delighting in what He sees in me, Jon will see a happy, joyful wife."

That is easier said then done.  And all you singles out there might be thinking, "Yeah yeah, sounds not that tough."  But let me tell you it is!  When you are trying your hardest to serve your husband and it doesn't go right, you just wanted to do something nice for him!  WHAM!  Or you know what means a lot to him and you try and try and it still won't work out right.  WHAM!  I'm thankful for a wonderful, uplifting husband who reminds me that my acts of service doesn't show how much I love him as much as the thought of doing it.
Oh yeah, and that smile. :)







Book Choice #2

Remember how in my last post I mentioned my husband and I started our own Book Club, reading a book together?  Well, my husband finished reading the book "A Child Called It" without me, because he was so excited to see what would happen.  Now, he wants to read the NEXT book in the series, "The Lost Boy."  However I told him I didn't have it, and he said we need to go get it right away!  He can't put this story down for a minute!  I told him he could get it for me for my birthday (in May).
Now that I think about it more this morning, I'm thinking maybe I do have that book?  But where in the world could it be?  Maybe I've been looking at it online so much I think I've seen it before.  No matter what, we're going to get that book!  "The Lost Boy" is about how Dave struggles in many foster homes and the experience he had from ages 12-18 away from his abusive mother.  No wonder we are so excited to read it!!!

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Book Club

I guess you could say I'm in a book club.  Not any book club though.  I'm reading a book with my husband!  Whenever we get a chance we read it out loud to each other.  It's an amazing story and leads to tears, questioning, and concern!  The book is written by Dave Pelzer and based off his life story.  He wrote more books, so I'm looking forward to going through those as well.
Jon and I are halfway finished with the first one, "A Child Called 'It'."  Maybe you have heard of it.  If not, I recommend it.  You won't be able to put it down!!!

Here's a YouTube video about Dave: Dave's story

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

100 Things about Mary Kaisand (Tometich)

I've spotted other blog posts in blog-land of people posting 100 things about themselves.  I thought I would give it a try and take up on the challenge.  To come up with 100 random things can be difficult, but I think I'm ready.  For the record, I wrote this February 8, 2011.

1. When my mom was pregnant with me, she had to go to the hospital and get an IV because she was so weak and sick.  Morning sickness lasted 24 hours.
2. My dad wanted to name me Mary Anne, but my mom wanted just Mary.  They compromised and my middle name is Anne.
3. When I was born, my mom said the room was full of people.  There was a possibility that I had spina bifida (like my brother), so they were prepared to take action.
Spina bifida is a birth defect that involves the incomplete development of the spinal cord or its coverings. The term spina bifida comes from Latin and literally means "split" or "open" spine.
http://kidshealth.org/parent/system/ill/spina_bifida.html

4. When I was little I had blonde hair.
5. My favorite children's book growing up was "Are you my Mother?"
6. I never went to preschool.
7. I remember making my mom angry when after dropping of my childhood best friend, we hid in her backyard. My mom drove off without me.  She had to drive back to get me.
8. I've experienced all school options: private, public, and homeschool.  In that order.
9.  I have never made a gingerbread house.
10. Asked Jesus into my heart when I was 14.
11. My dad took me on a date when I was 15 and we talked about boys and relationship thoughts.  He then gave me a purity ring.  I took it off when Jon proposed.
12. In high school (before I was homeschooled), I was involved in choir and show choir.
13. I'm one of those girls who played Barbies growing up.
14. I grew up addicted to the Disney Classics.
15. I'm the youngest of four and always wondered what it would be like to have a younger sibling.
16. My favorite subject in school was math.  I love fractions.
17. My first car was a Ford Explore.  I didn't have it for too long.  A semi pulled out on me on my way to work in November 2007.
18. Because of that accident, my muscles have never been the same.
19. Besides babysitting, my first job was daycare.
20. I worked there a long five months.
21. Who ever came up with texting?
22. I never paint my fingernails anymore.
23---My favorite number.
24. Would like to go to Disney World some day.  My family went when I was in first grade, and I hardly remember.
25. I was really involved in church activities from high school on.  Anywhere from: babysitting, chaperoning junior high trips, attending mission trips, volunteer for AWANA Cubbies, and being on the worship team.
26. My secret wish is to be in a Broadway show or to be an actress.
27. Jon and I first saw each other in a singles Sunday school class.
28. Shortly after I changed churches.  It kept us from communicating until at least a year later thanks to Facebook (and his sister). :)
29. When my husband and I were first getting to know each other I gave him a list of 100 funny, random things he had to do before going to bed. (Some things included: calling Walmart to see if they sold Depends and leaving random things for his roommates.)
30. My parents met his Mom before I did.
31. The day I met his mom was the day we started dating (July 2009).
32. My sisters and I all met our "future husbands" through some connection at church.
33. My husband and I both have an older sister named Elizabeth.
34. My favorite letter is "K" and thought it was interesting how God led me to marry a man with the last name Kaisand.
35. I love hot showers.  My family warned Jon before marring me (water bill).
36. I walked down the aisle to I Exalt Thee.
37. The first time I left the country was for the honeymoon to Jamaica.
38. I love movies.  Someday my husband and I plan on having a theater room in our basement.  His current job right now is making home theater screens.
39. Not a fan of snow, but can't imagine living anywhere but Iowa.  I love being close to family.
40. I'm a night owl.  I married a night owl. :)
41. I have lived in seven different places: a home my parents had built in Altoona, a ranch in Altoona, townhouse in West Des Moines, first Johnston house, then a Des Moines townhouse, another Johnston (wheelchair accessible) house, and now an apartment (four-plex) in Ames.
42. The West Des Moines townhouse my two sisters and I shared the master bedroom.
43. My husband and I both have Dad's who have a twin.  I've been preparing my heart and mind in case God gives me twins.
44. I've always wanted to be a teacher.  Looking forward to homeschooling my children.
45. My favorite way to express my love for God is through movement.  You may love reading the Bible for hours, but I love expressing through dance.
46. I love reading the Bible and getting more application each time.  I also love learning past the "Sunday school basics."
47. I'm thankful for people who are encouraging to others.
48. My goal is to write a book someday, but I think faster than I can write (or type).
49. I'm one of those girls who would rather play football with the guys than sit and talk with girls.
50. I don't like surprises--I like to know what to expect (and plan things).  Opening gifts can make me nervous.
51. My favorite fast food is B-Bops.
52. I have a hard time trying something new.
53. Love picnics.
54. I have stopped drinking caffeine.
55. My caffeine comes from chocolate. :)
56. I do not like orange juice.  I tried liking it once to get Vitamin C but then I got the flu.  Never again! :P
57. I was never a fan of peanuts growing up.  Recently I started to like them, however not in brownies or bread.
58. I pick salt not pepper.
59. When they are not on sale, I don't but movies unless it's a gift.  Otherwise I like to wait and save money.
60. Like leftovers.
61. Milk alone, I think tastes gross, but put it in something while cooking or use to dip Oreos....yum!  (auh oh now this will make me want to buy Oreos.)
62. I love vegetables.
63. My all time favorite dessert is plain brownies.
64. I don't understand the point of motorcycles.  I'm sorry, I just don't.
65. I have never gone fishing before.
66. I don't like talking on the phone with people I don't know.
67. I'm a perfectionist about my schedule.
68. I love hugs.  My love language is touch.
69. I've always wondered how and why celebrities become idols.
70. My hair is naturally curly.
71. My favorite music is Christian worship songs.
72. Most of my quiet times I journal.  It's nice to be able to look back and see how I've grown.
73. I've never liked my handwriting.
74. I would rather be in the passenger seat than drive.
75. My favorite flower is the gerbera daisy.

76. I'm a "glass-half-full" kind of person.
77. My eyes are very sensitive and I have to wear sunglasses outside most of the time.
78. I like it when I have time to read before bed.
79. My least favorite thing to do in the morning is look in a mirror.
80. I love casseroles.
81. It would be surprising to see me swim in a lake.
82. I'm not a morning person, and I've been wondering lately how God will stretch me in this area when I become a parent.
83. My least favorite chore to do is the laundry.
84. I have a weird habit.  I can't finish the last sip of drink in my glass.
85. Needles don't bother me, but my husband can't stand them.
86. I always wear socks.  Can't sleep without them.
87. I have always wanted to see a Broadway Show.
88. I love roller coasters.
89. I have mild asthma.
90. I love organizing a work space.
91. Would rather save than spend.
92. I have a specific way to do things when I clean or pack.
93. I wear pants so I don't have to shave my legs as often.
94. I'm picky about my shoes due to comfort.
95. I can be super organized when I want to be.
96. I have a hard time walking through a room without the light on.
97. I love jewelry.
98. I have sensitive allergies.  They act up the most when the weather changes.
99. My grandma Evelyn has to be the one person I have ever met that had the biggest servant heart.  She went to heaven before Christmas 2010.
100. Didn't think I would be able to think of 100 things about me.  Hope they're random enough for you!