Set Free

What does freedom (of speech, thoughts, actions, status', etc) on Facebook truly look like? Who knows anymore? I don't. But for me.....this past year (more so months) I've noticed I need to take a step back. What is Facebook? For me Facebook is having the option of connecting with people and friends you don't always see. I like seeing what you ate for dinner, or how your Christmas tree looks.  I like seeing the pictures you put up of your messy house (or clean), your cute kids, babies, and families.  I like hearing your newest thoughts and your inspirational ideas. But for me....as soon as Facebook starts to share opinions and ideas beyond the sweetness of what it should be....I'm done. And I say that meaning to be nice, not mean.  I'm saying that because I don't want my issues to become elevated on Facebook.  That was not my intention and not Facebooks (as far as I know).   I don't want to come across as self-righteous.  Because I'm

It's been over a YEAR since I've been posting about the love story of how Jon and I met and where we are today.  So sorry for the delay.  It's been quite the year and a half since I last posted.  For one, we had Ellie.  Then we moved.  We bought a house (still remodeling), miscarried twice, and moving into our house in February. But tonight as my daughter is sleeping, hubby staying overnight at our new home, I think I can find some time to update you.  It also helps that it is a week until our anniversary of when Jon proposed!  This will take awhile as I search for reminders of the details of that weekend and look around for pictures to include. :) If you are wondering about the first three parts of our love story: check here here and here first. Well, here's our story.  Not perfect.  But this is how it went.  As I look back I see my flaws, but I know in the end Jon still asked me to marry him....and I'm forever thankful!  Happy (almost) four years since eng

I used to do a monthly update on Ellie, but after they turn one it seems kinda silly.  But she has been doing more "things" now.  here's a post about her a couple days early cus sweet goodness I had time for once! People constantly tell me what a happy girl she is, bright eyes, big smile, and her wonderful personality.  I don't know what I would do without her these past 14 months.  Her smiles are contagious. 11.2.13 Her favorites new "tricks" are:  peek a boo (seriously so precious when she covers her eyes and the look on her face while doing peek) "SO BIG" is a constant thing now.  One time I was talking to someone saying, "So..." and she lifted her arms up high! :) A very stern "No."  (and nods her head) She knows "no" now and uses it to get what she wants.  Jon and I talk constantly about how to try to figure this out so it doesn't become an issue as she grows.  Otherwise the "tiring twos&

These past few weeks I've been looking back on the pass 14 months of my life.  Some crazy things have happened to my life, my body, and emotional health that I have needed to process to be able to continue on.  But something that hurt me (beside miscarrying two babies) was Ellie's birth and my recovery. (Check out that link for the post I made about her birth back in Oct 2012 after she was born.) *Only read on if you want details of Ellie's birth story and my reflection.* (Now I can say I warned you all.) Weeks after Ellie was born I bawled, cried uncontrollably.  It wasn't depression.  I know what depression is, and it wasn't that.  Instead it was anger. I (probably every mom) would like to look back on the birth of their child and say how wonderful of an experience it was.  That it was such a wonderful feeling to finally meet their baby face to face after months and months of waiting.  I remember looking forward to that very moment I finally got to hold El

meaning Ellie. but I guess I could cry too after a day like today. however i have had worse. {Thursdays are my errand day.  It's a nice break to the week.  And I do it all at once.  Lately it's including using coupons and shopping discounted stores for stuff for the new house, and can't help but pick up some outfits for Ellie if I happen to see a cute one three.} first started off with showering while i let my baby girl cry in her crib.  believe me.  better to have her cry in crib then standing at shower door in tears! then i had to exchange some toothpaste at Target.  ha!  hubby wanted a different kind.  it was on sale so it was worth it. then it was time to browse JcPenny (Home) & Kohls.  I had noticed in Sunday paper some good sales and as long as I was out on my "errand day" might as well take a look.  Found a couple things for Ellie. Then went to the mall for lunch time!  I had some GAP pants of Ellie's to exchange to a different size.  

Awesome Pinterest parties. Numerous homemade meals. Keeping your smartphone in your back pocket and not in your hand for browsing. Not allowing your kids to watch cartoons. Having your child on time, dressed, and hair combed for outings. Your house designed and clean like a Pottery Barn magazine (not just during nap time). Your husband returning home with a warm meal, clean house, you in a dress, and smiling children. Laundry always done on time and put away. Never making time for yourself. ~*~*~*~*~* Parenting has it's ongoing lists of what it means to look like a "good parent" (and wife).  If I spend my days and nights making my kids feel like a Perfect Home is what matters most, they will grow to see my guilt (and shame).  If my time and energy is spent on trying to look good rather than doing what is best for my family, am I really benefiting anyone? My parties are not going to be Pinterest-worthy.  Am I okay with that?  When I post my party pict

Jon's birthday was 9/20/13 and he willingly drove hours to go see my sister's daughter (our niece) for her birthday the following day.  We went out to eat (Mexican of course) and then drove straight down to KC.  My mom had made a pumpkin pie and had it on our table in our room to surprise him! :)  I felt so blessed he was willing to make the drive/trip on his birthday to make the weekend special for me.  The week prior was a horrible week.  We had miscarried for the second time.  We had not been on a trip since March (the last time we went to KC before finding out we were pregnant with Taylor).  This time it was a good "moving on" trip.  A joy to be around family.  I blessing to get out of our usual routine.  Yes, we could have done some painting at the house or worked more on just everything that needs done on the house...but he did the trip for me. :)  We talked.  It was discussed.  My body had bounced back enough to make the trip.  It was worth it!  We got refreshe

My sweet baby would be due in four short weeks . And as I shopped for my sweet Ellie today, I happened to see the sales rack at baby GAP.  In the maternity section.  GRR. During the day I have seen multiple pregnant women, sweet sleeping newborns, and a woman complaining of her pregnancy (due in eight weeks).  However, I would have been due in four weeks.  But I was not complaining.  In the "real world" no one could see that I had anything to complain about.  But every pregnant woman is asked, "How are you feeling" or "How much longer?"  But someone who has miscarried can't cry out, "HEY!  I would be due to have a baby soon!  I'm not big and feeling like a watermelon about to explode, but I do feel like my eyes will!"   And people are not coming up to me asking how I am doing.  People have no idea.  I have no belly to tell the world.  But I hide behind the racks.   I have nothing to tell the person complaining of her discomfort.  Ye

honestly, i dont know why i decided to post this.  which could be a bad thing.  because when i just randomly write my thoughts here, there's no purpose.  and i really like to post here when there is a good reason.  because really, who wants to read random ramblings from inside my brain?  oh, sorry honey.  you're the one who has to hear them.  ALWAYS. but then...i guess this post is useful.  my hubby is not here, so here you go: April was rough.  I was sicker than ever.  I was pregnant and nauseous.  May was hard because I miscarried my baby.  August was unhappily a repeat because I was sick with the next pregnancy, but trying to stay focused on a sweet baby I would meet in the spring.  a family we were making.  then September hit and we miscarried another baby.  this time i became even more of a wreck than i did before.  i missed my babies more each day and i tried to stay positive. And then October hit.  My firstborn's first birthday was a blast. and this Mommy

I have a daughter who is one year old...WHAT? I am still amazed that she has been OUT of me longer than she was ever growing INSIDE of me! **Note: I add details that you probably don't care to know about, but this is also a way for me to keep this memory for her.  So feel free to pass by the details and enjoy her birthday weekend...** Her birthday was on Friday, October 4th and all day she was talking up a storm!  She was especially happy as if she knew it was a special day for her! :) iPod quality pic of my birthday girl Once she went to sleep I went crazy getting the party decor up and setting things up for her party the following day.  I'm a list person, so I had already made a list of things that I had hoped to accomplish before hitting the pillow and then things saved for the day of the party. Our little "Lady" had turned one and I kept things red, black, and white (minus the food).  The previous week, whenever she went to bed and hubby was