Thursday, June 13, 2013

lovely three years

If you would of told me where Jon and I would be in our marriage at our three-year anniversary back when we got married I would have two words for you:

amazed.  surprised.

I love my man.  our marriage isn't perfect.  he's not married to someone perfect.  i'm not married to someone perfect.  but by God's grace it works.  we're still growing in our love for each other.  and i wouldn't want it any other way.  he's my best friend.

our first year anniversary we went to Newton (Jon's hometown) and went to a Bed & Breakfast.  it was a beautiful weekend.

anniversary cake:: great chats about the year & our marriage
Jon took this as we were packing up to leave

last year i was six months pregnant and we went to Hu-Hot in Cedar Rapids.  then we walked around gordman's and got some stools for our kitchen. so romantic i know. :)

wearing one of the many hairpins
i wore on our wedding day

last night we went to bravo for dinner.

just me (wearing the hairpin i noticed)
my dream guy and me
ignore hubby's silly face

we had planned to walk around the pond (outside Jordan Creek Mall area) but the weather wasn't quite right--too windy.  walking out to the car i had to hold my skirt!  then Jon decided to check out the movies showing.  (hey, we had grandma and grandpa babysitting!)  nothing out that looked good enough to pay $25 to go see.  Seriously, how expensive does it have to be to see a movie?  In a couple weeks we could OWN that movie with that price!!  So we walked around the mall.  GameStop caught his eyes (of course)!  And the colors in Gap caught my eyes (of course)!  We walked back to the back of the store, heck didn't you know to do that?  The best deals are in the back of every store!!  Jon liked what he saw and I got three shirts!

Remember this post about my weight issues?  Well, I don't have many options of what to wear this summer.  Unless I want to wear maternity.  And who wants to wear maternity clothes after they miscarried?  My pre-pregnancy shirts don't fit (thanks to nursing).  So that's been another devastating thing when trying on clothes.  We had both told each other our gift this year for our anniversary was the house (we close on it tomorrow), so I wasn't planning on getting him anything or expecting anything from him.  But he loved the shirts so much he was willing to get them for me.  We got three shirts for the price of one (thanks to the sale)!  $10 each!!

Love it!!  So the price of that movie vs price of my new shirts.  Jon was sorta bummed about that thought as we walked to the register, but I reminded him this:

"Think of it this way, the shirts will last.  I'll get good use out of them.  Especially since I know you picked them out.  The movie would of been watched and then done.  We wouldn't own the movie or anything."

We happily handed over our bills and went home with three shirts that will be perfect for summer!

And here's what happened when we got back home....

Jon & Ellie
(Then my parents gave us more time to chill together and gave Ellie a bath, a bottle, and put her to bed!)

It's been a lovely three years.  I've learned so many things.

-My hubby means well.
-He's perfectionist about what I wear and how I look (but it's a good thing)
-He likes me in my most natural state (jeans and a pony tail) and sometimes dressed up from time to time.
-He loves me for who I am.
-He loves it when I'm joyful.  He loves seeing me smile.
-He loves it when I listen.
-He loves being relational.
-He loves being a Dad and wants time with Ellie every day!
-He likes to watch the budget.
-He LOVES Mexican.  And that's an understatement.  HE LOVES LOVES LOVES IT!
-He likes to browse the internet.
-He's interested in technology (the latest gadgets even though he doesn't buy them)
-He never will buy a video game or movie full price.  (But neither do I)
-He won't remember dates of things (birthdays, activities, get togethers, etc) which means I better keep track of when those parties are, when to get gifts, and keep him updated.  But because he's so good at the here and now (like next week he has no idea what the schedule looks like), but that's how our marriage works.  I help him with the schedule, and he helps me relax over the future stuff so I don't get overwhelmed with my to do list.

It just works.

It sounds crazy stuff, but he's my man.  And I'm glad I caught him when I did. ;)

I'm lovin' him!  I get to eat Mexican whenever I wanna go out to eat, I get to order soda too, and I get someone who is cautious of our spending.  I get someone who wants to talk things through.  He wants to hear all my stuff.  And there's quite a lot of crazy stuff all up in this head!  He loves our daughter too.  He doesn't like changing dirty diapers, but who does?  He wants to spend time with her and is very helpful.  He was by my side when I was passing out while miscarrying.  He was taking care of the not-so-fun stuff that comes along with all that "stuff."  He rubs my back when I'm sick.  He rubs my feet when I'm in pain.  He brings our sweet daughter to me in the night so she can eat, and puts her back in her crib.  He works hard so I can stay home with Ellie.  He's trustworthy.  He cares about me.  He's my best friend.  I wouldn't want to walk through this journey without him.

I love him and hope God gives us many years ahead!! :)

* More pictures will be added to this post as soon as I get them off the camera. :)

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Hunger is Hungry

I've always dealt with my weight.  I was never a good weight, until I got married.  I was always too thin.  I would eat constantly to fill the void of people telling me I was not even 100 pounds (even though I was).  Sunday mornings I could eat three donuts with no problem (even after eating a breakfast at home prior to church).  I'm constantly snacking.  I love anything salty, anything sweet.  Anything chocolate.  Give my a box of cookies, I'll finish them off for you.

oh sorry Liz, best pic I had on file from when I was young

When I got married I was a healthy weight.  I felt good about myself.  I was no longer told I was too skinny.  I was no longer joked about as the one that was a "size zero, and you disappeared!"  I was happy.  Eating like a normal person.

wedding day June 12, 2010

December 2010

Then I got pregnant.  And you other Momma's out there know exactly what I'm talking about.  Well, some of you.  I lost ten pounds during first trimester, and then gained 50 pounds.  I grew all around, not just a basketball belly.  I had extra chins and necks.  I had extra butts and thighs.

9 months

prego face for hubby's bday

After Ellie was born, I got love handles where I didn't know I could have them.  I got thighs that don't fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans (STILL!).  My swollen ankles never went fully back to normal.  Or my belly, but that's a given.  It was getting better.

But then I got pregnant again.  And went to survival mode and went BACK to my weight that I was when I got married.  But this time I wasn't okay with it.  I was hardly keeping anything down and feeding two babies since I was nursing Ellie.  My tummy was so tiny.  Who knows what jeans fit at that time I only wore baggy sweats for comfort!?!  April was seriously the month of the stomach flu sickness.  

Then I started feeling better (but didn't know I had lost the baby at that time) and got my appetite back.  I ate as often as I felt hungry.  I was feeding for three (or so I thought) so of course I just kept eating.  I was enjoying feeling better again.  I wasn't eating a bunch of junk.  I was eating food that would be healthy for the babies.  Home made french fries (not potato chips), raw veggies, spinach, fruit, etc.  I seriously was excited to be happily eating again.

Then I found out I miscarried.  And I threw it out the window.  I was back to feeding Ellie and myself.  But I was dealing with the emotions and physical stuff of a miscarriage.  Once I started to feel better and Taylor's "birth" was for the most part (lack of better word) complete, I ate whatever was available and sounded good.  I was allowing Taco John's, chocolate, ice cream, cherry coke, fast food on hectic nights, etc.  I was eating whatever sounded good.  I ate the things I tried to stay away from while pregnant.  It was my way of saying and the physical statement of, "I am moving on."  It was part of the grieving process and that's what I've been telling myself.  Well, it is true.

May 30, 2013

I weigh more than I did about 2+ years ago.  Yes, I have given birth to a baby and had a miscarriage.  But this is the time for me to start a life change.  Before I get pregnant again!  Jon and I are starting to take more walks.  I'm starting to try to watch what I eat.  I'm not going completely away from sugar and treats.  Because I know it will only make me go back to my old ways!  It's not a matter of the "perfect weight" or "perfect size."  It's a matter of that time where I feel good about myself.  Back in 2010 a certain weight felt great, but when I was pregnant with Taylor (April 2013) it felt terrible.  It's all a matter of the timing.

I'm hoping this summer the weather can stay nice and Jon and I can get more active.  I'm at my best when I'm able to "do" along someone else.  So walks with Jon are perfect!  It also helps that we love our stroller and love having Ellie along with us!

So this week I've been struggling with feeling hungry ALL the time!  But these past couple weeks it made sense since I became anemic, but I'm starting to feel better so I need to figure out what to change.  It's been a LONG time since I haven't been pregnant or more on top of eating constantly (early months of nursing where you MUST eat), so it's hard for my body to bounce back to "normal eating".  

If you have advice let me know.

Any thoughts I'd love to hear them.

Questions?  Feel free to ask.  I'm an open book.  Sometimes people tell me I'm too open. :)

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Ellie {8 months}

Yep, you heard me right.  My baby girl is 8 months already!  When did that happen?  I never got around to making 7 month post, because really month 7 and 8 kinda blended together with everything else that's been going on!  Plus the new stuff she is up to all happened within these two months.  So some of the pictures in this post will be from when she was 7 OR 8 months old.  But really, she's cute either way so why bother! ;)

Remember when I was helping her go on a "schedule"?  Well that practically got thrown out as soon as we found out we were expecting her sibling.  I was sick, I was desperately needing help.  I let Jon and others do whatever.  Plus, I was just in survival mode.  Now that we miscarried and life is starting to get back to normal (yeah, Ellie has her Mom back!), she is still not on a "schedule."  However she seriously has always been a good baby but when tired...please PLEASE just lay her down in her crib and let her be!

As I watched her play this morning I wrote down some of the new things she is up to that compares her from the last post I made about her growth.  She has really grown up!  We've lost our baby and now she's animated, playful, noisy, and full of smiles!! :)  She has brought us joy, laughter, and seriously more love than ever.

So here's some things about her.

Ellie is about 15 pounds* which puts her in the 5%.  She is about 26 inches long which surprisingly put her in the 10-25%.  My long and lean baby! :)
*Correction: I miscalculated her weight first time around.  Her growth looks a LOT more realistic now!  My tiny baby! :)  Where do you think she gets THAT from??? ;)

Her personality is so much like the both of us.  I've always been told I was a "good" baby and everyone wanted to hold me. (I obviously have no clue, I don't remember.)  And Ellie is just that!  She is a sweetie and her facial expressions are just too cute.

She likes her bottom lip,  or showing off her two teeth, or making a "pout face" in which she looks sad but seriously she's not.  It's something we have yet to figure out why she does it and catch it on camera!

Ellie is like her Daddy because she is very observant!  She likes to sit and ponder things, interested in things, and it always seems like the wheels are turning in her mind.  People also say she looks the most like her Daddy, which I'm okay with because he (1) helped with the pregnancy (2) she's cute and (3) she's a Daddy's girl for sure!  But be aware if she's around a large crowd.  She sometimes gets a little overwhelmed.  I try to have her get a good nap beforehand, because it helps to have her fully rested!

She absolutely LOVES music.  At church on Sunday she was literally "dancing" while I was holding her.  If she hears music on TV (seriously hidden music you might not normally notice like on commercial breaks, etc) or anywhere she'll stop and look and start dancing.  She kicks her legs, smiles, and waves her arms around.  Now, I wonder where she gets that from? ;)  Because of her love of music I never try to feed her or help her take a nap during any music at church or anywhere else. She just gets too distracted!!

She's crawling, well army crawling.  She is starting to go up on her knees for awhile and "thinking" about moving those knees!  Not much longer until she'll be all over the place!  Some times she "stretches" and goes up on her hands and feet and makes her body the shape of a roof.

not long before she REALLY crawls!
Ellie is sitting.  She can do it a LOT better now.  Around Memorial Weekend is when it REALLY got good.  She doesn't necessarily put herself in a sitting position yet, but can hold herself well.

With assistance she can stand and walk.  When holding her arms she can "walk" because she's good at knowing what to do with her legs.  She still enjoys going up on her tip toes like a ballet dancer, but getting better at being flat footed.  Jon and I love "practicing walking" with her.  She's really happy when she does it.  Not long before we have a walker!  Jon and I are both excited and kinda bummed at the same time.  That means she's growing up, will cause us to quickly check on her where-abouts, and we don't have a baby anymore.

Jon let go!
Oh love discipline.  As of now.  You get into stuff.  I tell you "no" or swat your hand if it's more dangerous item and you look at me and SMILE.  Wait, what?  You cutie.

Baby girl you like to get into all sorts of things.  If someone is holding you, you want to taste test their necklace or pull on it.  Let's just say Mom doesn't wear necklaces as often as she used to.  You loves name it she wants it.  Yesterday I went to the store and carried her in the car seat and put my wallet and paper check list in her seat to make it easier to carry inside.  I got in she had started chewing on the paper.  Note to self: put in pocket next time!

Did I mention you realized what your voice can do?  It almost sounds like you are unhappy.  But let's just say people at Cheesecake Factory on Uncle Ryan's birthday KNEW you were there! ;)

We also call you Bi-polar Baby.  When you are getting tired or already past tired but not able to go to sleep (no crib, out of house, etc), you let us know by letting out your tired noises.  But not long after that you can switch it off and on and become happy again.  Even laugh!  Every one loves our content, happy baby!

Or a Mother's Day gift of falling asleep
while out for lunch

Well, that's our sweet Ellie.  Can't believe she's already 8 months old!
Can't forget the picture to show the growth on the mat.