Thursday, December 15, 2016

Expert Holiday Shoppers, Kids Edition

Today I shared a post about "10 Things Expert Holiday shoppers know to be true"

Link to article here.

Here's my version of what it would be like for me, a mom with two young kids, to shop using this advice.

#1 "Acquaintance gifts" done first
Which means most people in your life when you have young kids. So do you pick something up for that Target clerk you saw twice in one day (two different stops)? Or that waitress who cleaned up your spilled drinks thanks to your baby's new tricks? How about the dance teacher who deals with all those preschoolers? Including your own who thinks she's either a lion or bunny.

#2 Sleep is for the weak.
This should be the title of a parenting book. Already accomplishing the lack of sleep. Any less I shouldn't be driving.

#3 Fuel up before you go.
You mean gas? Cus I hate running out of gas....oh referring to food? You mean the granola bar you scarf down meanwhile baby is screaming and your four year old cries for her own granola bar. And pleading with you to hold her water bottle.

#4 Allow one Special treat for yourself
What does that even mean? Like sharing McDonald's fries with your toddler so she stops yelling how hungry she is. Because shhh, too late. Woke the baby who took 2.5 hours to fall asleep. She seemed like she was near death without food even though she just ate that granola bar in the car. At home she grabbed three pieces of bread. Ate two oranges and a banana. Then two yogurts while you finished your hair and loaded the car with shopping necessities.
Or treating myself is like sneaking chocolate everyday around 2pm since 4yo stopped taking naps and "rest time" is a joke. Sometimes chocolate happens at 10am.

#5 Pick your Company Wisely
Who doesn't want a potty training four year old while holiday shopping? She comes with whimpering spirits of sitting on the toilet to even try (cause please don't pee in pull up while not at home!)!!! And the joy of being able to count on number two coming, which doesn't come until you arrived at that store that does NOT have a diaper changing area. Have you ever tried changing a poopy pull up on public bathroom floor? That's what I call happy holidays!!
And my other company, is that sweet baby. Except if four year old decides to scream her new made up song. Then he doesn't think big sister is all that funny.

#6 Be Strategic about your Route
Like trying to ignore all the pink things, toys, and anything that lights up or makes sounds? Or the order that makes meal time fit your nursing schedule?

#7 Sometimes experiences trump giant boxes.
Because you know, my budget allows me to pay for nephew and nieces to experience all sorts of fun outings. But not my family. $5 for every kid. Go have fun somewhere for thirty minutes. Heck that's less time than it takes me to leave the house with two little kids.

#8 Actually ask sale associates for help
What would happen if I ask one to nurse my baby while I searched through these racks of clothes? Or changing my daughter's poopy pull up while I nursed so I didn't waste time or lose my toddler while trying to nurse. Which is pointless because baby is too distracted anyways. Or sure, pay for my items today? That's too nice of you. I'll share my chocolate with you...if I had any left.

#9 Don't forget to ask about free gift wrapping?
Nothing says thank you like someone doing something for you while you chase your toddler around the store because there's nothing else for them to do. And running isnt happening outside this time of year. I prefer my color coding wrapping paper based off which house it is going to....yep. It keeps me sane.

#10 When you get stressed, just think about the end goal.
Just keep the gifts out of sight and reach of your children.

And that's how we do Holiday shopping.