Set Free

When my daughter grows up I want her to feel like her parent's loved her equally.  I hope she doesn't remember that time I became angry because I was too tired.  Or that time I was so sick she thought I was ignoring her.  Or that time I gave her a banana and she cried because she wanted a banana.  (Yeah, you read that last part correctly.) life is rough Recently I've noticed my daughter's STRONG need to do everything her way.  And her Mom to follow along.  The typical toddler stage in life.  (This mom is tired.)  There have been too many tears and fits. Daddy's in the shower. Apparently that's not okay. So this mom has started a new strategy .  When that sweet toddler lets all her feelings out uncontrollably I am staying calm.  I pick her up and swing her around.  I sit her in my lap.  I cuddle her... And in the sweetest voice I hear a soft voice say, "I love you Mommy." It melts this Momma's heart.  In one moment the attit

Thank you God for bringing me where I am today.  I would have never asked to be in this position but I'm so encouraged by your Truth.  Lately I've been doubting.  After I miscarried the only thing that kept me moving on was knowing You had a plan.  You are faithful.  You were faithful in my past and would be faithful in my future.  Then suddenly October hit. The weather became wet.  I don't like that.  I stay inside cuddled in blankets, watching Elmo (thanks two-year old), and drinking soda to take off the headache.  I'm forced to warm up in sweatpants and sweaters and be around people.  It's good though.  It's healing. some mornings I just want to boycott life Father, I'm blessed by You.  Because as hard as October has been for me emotionally, I feel your presence.  On my knees, or laying on my pillow, drenched in tears, finding security in You alone.  Those who don't know You or can't find comfort in You I deeply fear for their struggles

Sorry followers I've slowed down on blog posts.  Not intentionally, we just didn't have wifi at our house for awhile to save money, especially while we were getting the bathroom remodeling done .  You probably want a post all about that new bathroom, which I'll get on it as soon as I finish up what needs done first. Like updates on Ellie. :) The last time I wrote in detail about what she was up to was 16 months old , oops.  Since then there's been a few updates but nothing too detailed to look back on. Obviously a lot has changed since then!! *She uses walking, dancing, and running as her main source of mobility.  (Faster if she knows she's doing something naughty.) *She talks nonstop and knows a LOT of words.  One day she started using a word that we didn't know she knew what it meant.  She's a lot smarter than we think!  Now we know she knows what we mean when we want her to obey.  That little stinker.... "Ellie, are you being a stinker?&q

Ellie turned two last weekend and we threw her a Sesame Street birthday party.  We invited family and some friends that live in our town.  When searching on Pinterest I found some cute, time consuming ideas for a birthday party and thought those people are crazy.  When your daughter is turning a young age she won't remember anything.  So what am I trying to prove to people when I throw a party for her?  I want it to look Pinterest-worthy of course!  So, go ahead and pin these great ideas!  I'm pretty sure we spent more time cleaning our house then planning the party. I think that's the best way to do it.  But here is what we did. Here's the cake.  It was so difficult.  I had to go to Hy-Vee three days before the party and tell them "Sesame Street themed, pastel colors (I don't like blue teeth), have it say Happy Birthday Ellie, and she's turning two."  Then the day of the party Jon had to go pick it up.  The nerve. Then we had to decorat

I want this post to be read in the right mind set.  So keep this thought in mind while reading, "I changed my desires based off the wrong idea." I had my hubby read this before posting.  Hope it comes out the way it was meant to be. So here goes.... 8.1.14 Growing up I dreamed about my Prince Charming and what he would be like.  I knew in the back of my mind no one is perfect, but I looked forward to sharing my life with someone else. In my head my desires made sense, because he would have desires of his own.  I prayed for a man I could be myself without holding back, someone who had similar interests as me, and desire family values.  As I grew older I feared what he would think of me in my worse state (low sleep, puking, and no make up).  I would go no where without fully "ready."  My confidence level was at a three, and that only drew more attention to my short-comings as a possible mate.  I desired a man who was like my dad--vacuum the cobwebs and unde

If you remember my post about my issues with my Type A and Type B personalities it helps explain this post.  I organize my cleaning and organizing to keep me focused, motivated, and gets things done.  It helps me feel better when unplanned visits happen (knowing I did my deep cleaning on x -day). Here's my weekly schedule on a "usually this happens" kind of week. :)  If it doesn't get done I don't get beat up by it.  I just move on. Most Mondays to motivate my start of the week I sort laundry, dust the house, and pick one area to focus on "deeper cleaner."  During nap I throw in two loads of laundry and treat myself to a snack. :) Tuesdays is catch up day.  (See, guilt free motivation!)  Sometimes Monday doesn't go well.  This is a day to not get discouraged.  I usually do more laundry and organize something.  I also sweep and wash the floors where it's needed (which usually is around the area where Ellie eats and in the kitchen and entr

There's a nominating sharing thing on Facebook going on....sharing five pictures  that make you feel beautiful.  I was afraid to be nominated....at first.  Because.... It's hard for me to bring focus on myself--awkward really.  I'm not use to being the center of attention and never know what to "do" with it.   I'm not a confident individual, nor do I pull it off trying. Whenever I sing "happy birthday" to someone I don't intentionally look at them.  It's such an awkward lengthy song.  Someone who can jazz it up a bit will help me laugh off the awkward attention and blow out candles! When I search pictures where I feel beautiful, I started to notice it was because of what was going on in my life that "represents" that beauty shining though.  I felt beauty in what my life was in that moment.  It felt unconditional. 1. This childhood picture is me as a one-year old .  It's youthfulness reminds me  of childhood.  Simp

I've always wondered what weaning Ellie was going to look like.  What age?  Would it be because of her or because of me?  Would she cry a lot?  Would she tell me when she was ready?  What will this look like? this looks means "I should be laying on my tummy in my crib!" Back in May I wrote a post about nursing Ellie.   A few things have changed since then, but not a whole lot.  You see, I had a plan A on what weaning her was possibly going to look like.  Then I had to go with Plan B.  Not because of her or me, but because we lost our babies .  I had put some thoughts together when we were expecting.  I had thought to help Ellie adjust to "sharing" Mommy I would nurse her small amounts during day if she needed and once before bed.  I would slowly get rid of those feedings and have Jon put her to bed to have some bonding.  Our first two would have been less than 14 months apart.  Then when we lost that baby we got pregnant again and the next age difference