Thursday, August 28, 2014

This is Me, That is You

I want this post to be read in the right mind set.  So keep this thought in mind while reading,

"I changed my desires based off the wrong idea."

I had my hubby read this before posting.  Hope it comes out the way it was meant to be.
So here goes....


Growing up I dreamed about my Prince Charming and what he would be like.  I knew in the back of my mind no one is perfect, but I looked forward to sharing my life with someone else.

In my head my desires made sense, because he would have desires of his own.  I prayed for a man I could be myself without holding back, someone who had similar interests as me, and desire family values.  As I grew older I feared what he would think of me in my worse state (low sleep, puking, and no make up).  I would go no where without fully "ready."  My confidence level was at a three, and that only drew more attention to my short-comings as a possible mate.  I desired a man who was like my dad--vacuum the cobwebs and under couches, open my car door, pay for my meal, and dance with me at wedding receptions (just to name a few).

Then reality hit.  But reality is different than my expectations.

I married my Prince Charming.

He accepts me at my worse. (Believe me it's gross.)

We work together on family values.  I can be myself around him (poor guy).

He doesn't vacuum like my dad.
He doesn't open my door.
He doesn't like to dance with me.

We think differently on some important issues.  We speak and give love differently (love languages). {Never thought I would meet a man who would rather have a conversation than a kiss!}

But I don't question his love and acceptance.

As marriage continued I started to notice things I desired in my husband that changed once I married him.  The more I focused on "guiding" him in showing me love in these new actions, the more frustrated I became.  And the more distant he became.  If you looked at my new "list" you would agree it's not crazy to desire them.  Meaning it's not too "out there."  However it's nothing without Jon desiring it himself.  And my forcing wasn't helping.

And I came to this realization.  Those things I'm desiring can be given through Jesus.  So why take all my energy, hurt, my marriage, crush my husband's spirit by forcing something on him when Jesus already has offered that need?  His burden is light.  And mine was getting too heavy to handle.

In time Jon may or may not give me those few extra new desires.  Not that he is withholding them on purpose.  However my expectations don't come naturally to him.  But forcing it won't encourage him.  I'm not his Holy Spirit, nor do I even want to try!  I love him where he is....

Feeds Ellie breakfast so I have a few moments alone in the morning.
Working 40+ hours a week
Desires a healthy budget, we have no debt (except mortgage)
Similar values in Ellie's growth and learning
Listens to me at MY worse, sleepy moments (he can tell in the dark if we need "to talk")
Willing to watch chick flicks and relax with me
Helps with house projects
Takes care of my car
Carries me to bed when passing out during miscarriage labor
Helps motivate me to be a do-er during the day when I get discouraged
Gets off the couch if I ask for help
He keeps me up to date on his life and where he is
He doesn't mind leftovers for dinner.  Three nights in a row.

And the perspective becomes what he offers our family versus my new desires and expectations.  Those new expectations become unrealistic.  I didn't marry that man,

I married this one!! :)

In the meantime, I can pray, walk with my Lord.  Learn to desire what He does. (And laugh at my sweet hubby who allows me to be, well, ME!  And I too shall let him be, well, HIM!)

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.
Philippians 4:8

I can't change him.  I can only change myself.

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