Set Free

These past few weeks I've been looking back on the pass 14 months of my life.  Some crazy things have happened to my life, my body, and emotional health that I have needed to process to be able to continue on.  But something that hurt me (beside miscarrying two babies) was Ellie's birth and my recovery. (Check out that link for the post I made about her birth back in Oct 2012 after she was born.) *Only read on if you want details of Ellie's birth story and my reflection.* (Now I can say I warned you all.) Weeks after Ellie was born I bawled, cried uncontrollably.  It wasn't depression.  I know what depression is, and it wasn't that.  Instead it was anger. I (probably every mom) would like to look back on the birth of their child and say how wonderful of an experience it was.  That it was such a wonderful feeling to finally meet their baby face to face after months and months of waiting.  I remember looking forward to that very moment I finally got to hold El

meaning Ellie. but I guess I could cry too after a day like today. however i have had worse. {Thursdays are my errand day.  It's a nice break to the week.  And I do it all at once.  Lately it's including using coupons and shopping discounted stores for stuff for the new house, and can't help but pick up some outfits for Ellie if I happen to see a cute one three.} first started off with showering while i let my baby girl cry in her crib.  believe me.  better to have her cry in crib then standing at shower door in tears! then i had to exchange some toothpaste at Target.  ha!  hubby wanted a different kind.  it was on sale so it was worth it. then it was time to browse JcPenny (Home) & Kohls.  I had noticed in Sunday paper some good sales and as long as I was out on my "errand day" might as well take a look.  Found a couple things for Ellie. Then went to the mall for lunch time!  I had some GAP pants of Ellie's to exchange to a different size.  

Awesome Pinterest parties. Numerous homemade meals. Keeping your smartphone in your back pocket and not in your hand for browsing. Not allowing your kids to watch cartoons. Having your child on time, dressed, and hair combed for outings. Your house designed and clean like a Pottery Barn magazine (not just during nap time). Your husband returning home with a warm meal, clean house, you in a dress, and smiling children. Laundry always done on time and put away. Never making time for yourself. ~*~*~*~*~* Parenting has it's ongoing lists of what it means to look like a "good parent" (and wife).  If I spend my days and nights making my kids feel like a Perfect Home is what matters most, they will grow to see my guilt (and shame).  If my time and energy is spent on trying to look good rather than doing what is best for my family, am I really benefiting anyone? My parties are not going to be Pinterest-worthy.  Am I okay with that?  When I post my party pict