Monday, May 27, 2013

Table from Heaven

Here we were minding our own business....

Seriously, we were.  Let me prove it.

I had just asked Jon to have a chat with him in the living room--just us.  We sat down and starting talking.  (Nothing serious, just marriage and plans for the upcoming weeks.)  Suddenly the door bell rang and my parent's dog started barking.  I was still dealing with my headache (thanks to being anemic) and asked Jon to quickly find out who was at the door.

Who is at the door on a Sunday evening?

Jon went outside and came back in.  Weird.  He said there was some guys outside with a semi truck full of furniture at a decent price and he was going to go check it out.  Ellie was sleeping so I went ahead and put on my shoes and a jacket and went outside with him.  (We've been on the look out for furniture and other random update items for our future home.)

He wasn't kidding.  There was seriously a group of guys waiting around a truck.  One guy inside sitting on a nice leather chair with pictures of all the items inside the truck, trying to sell them.  We looked at them and liked something in particular but didn't know for sure if we wanted to act on it or not.  We both looked at each other and asked for the price to see if it was worth it or not.

They were asking for less than HALF of the original price.  Too good of an offer NOT to look into it some more.

They showed us a chair.  We both sat in it and liked what we saw.

The guy noticed we were not quite sold on it yet, so he gave us a better offer.

We couldn't refuse.

They brought everything inside and put it together!

comes with 6 chairs

excuse the darkness, pics taken at midnight

Lately we've been wanting things for the house but wanted to stay within budget.  It was definitely a blessing to get a dining room table for such a decent, affordable price!  Exciting to think of all the people we will be able to fit around this table!!

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

I'm a Mom again

My parent's laundry in the washing machine.

Dinner in the crockpot.

Folded laundry in the basket ready to take downstairs and be put away in our dressers.

Taking care of Ellie with the energy I once had.

Keeping up on the dishes....

because I'm still eating for more than just me.

Being a stay at home mom and keeping up on the house, kitchen, laundry, and more.

I'm so thankful to finally start feeling myself and be capable of doing such things.

It's all perspectives Momma's.

Two weeks ago I felt great and was doing these things.

But I didn't know WHAT was coming.

And now that I finally feel a little bit more like myself, I'm soaking it all in.

I can shower standing up now.

I'm able to get food without feeling nauseous or dizzy.

I'm capable to do what I always planned on doing while living with my parents in prep for buying a house.  And that is: being a stay at home mom.  Meanwhile, preparing meals, doing dishes, cleaning, and laundry.  Just keeping up on the house for my parents.  My mom has always been a stay at home mom, but work has picked up for my dad's business.  So my mom has been working LONG hours to help keep the office going like an owner's wife pro!  Sometimes I even go to bed with out seeing her!  Anyways, long story short, I always planned while living here to help out and be a "Mom/Wife" for the entire clan.

Then I got pregnant.

I was sick and hardly moving for a month.

Then I started feeling better and was a super happy Momma.

Then we miscarried, and my body fell apart.  I was emotionally exhausted and then the physical part happened (I'll spare you all).  Seriously, you don't want details.  There's a reason why people say "miscarriage is hard" but don't go into details.

Ahem, now that I have all grossed you out, confused you, or just plainly made you wonder what's the point of this post....?  I'll let you know one thing.

So thankful I'm FINALLY able to do what I always planned on doing while living with my parents.

Do my parent's laundry, and my own little family's.

Keep the house picked up.

Not let the dishes in the sink get overwhelming.

Try to maintain a meal plan and have dinner ready in time for everyone at a decent time.

Be more helpful with Ellie, so Jon doesn't have to all the time.  (Because it's tiring working full-time AND taking care of Ellie in the night and morning.  Now I can give Jon some much needed rest where he's not the first one to jump out of bed when Ellie's hungry.)

Pretty much be a mom.  A stay at home mom.

The best job in the world. :)

Friday, May 17, 2013

Loving Taylor

As I reflect on my last post about Mother's Day, I am humbled as a mother.

The Lord had already known our future.  He knew what was in store for us this week.  He knew what we were about to face head on.

We were expecting baby number two.  In process of buying a house.  Preparing for our family to grow, we were excited to meet our new baby.  We couldn't wait to see the sibling bond.  We couldn't wait to find out what we were having....a boy this time or a girl?

What we didn't know was God had other plans.

He wanted to stretch us.  To bring us to our knees (or in my case sitting on the bathroom floor).  Sitting there, staring at the toilet I was once leaning over praying for a break.  Praying to not be sick.

But now I'm not.  I'm not throwing up.  I'm sick with something else.

I ache to never been given a chance to have a relationship with a child I never met. I ache for other mothers who have had to deal with this-- time after time.  I ache for those who had to physically SEE their loss.  I cry for those who had to deliver them.  I cry because I understand loss.

I'm stronger for what He's doing in our lives.  I'm stronger because He is healing my body.  I'm stronger because He protected me of a nightmare.  I'm stronger because I am a mother.  I'm stronger because He is glorified.

I will never fully understand your loss.  I won't be able to relate.  But I do understand loosing something before you were ready to give it up.  I do understand the constant why questions.  I do know what it's like to be a mother.

We will never meet our Taylor here on earth.  We never got to see him/her on an ultrasound, hear the first cry, or the first smile.


And some day before Ellie turns 8 months old, I'll post her 7 month growth post!

Monday, May 13, 2013

the best Mother's Day gift

Today was my first official Mother's Day.  Last year I received a gift at church (they gave a pen to each mother), because the kids handing them out knew I was expecting.  It was sweet and touched my heart dearly.  I still have that pen.  In the diaper bag for a sweet reminder. :)

However this year I woke up with a whole new reason to rejoice and be glad.  I didn't get breakfast in bed (YEP!), or get out of changing diapers, or any kind of special treatment.  Actually, my hubby joked that the carnation I received at church was given to me because he had called ahead of time to have them bring one for me.  Clever babe.  Nice work.  ;)

Know my heart is not filled with envy for those who got breakfast in bed.

Or got special treatment.

Or didn't have to do "dirty" work.

and maybe you got a special treat from your kids

or a forever to do list completed by your hubby as a special thanks.

I got a gift.

It's the gift of Jesus.  Mercy.  Love.  Forgiveness.

Remember this post?

That post is all about the reason I changed my blog title.

It also explains where my heart is.  Right now.

You see, even after moments of today feeling like, "Why am I doing this?" or "I truly would appreciate some french toast, thanks." or "Thanks for rubbing my feet!"  But nothing.  Nothing would compare to being SET FREE.

Today we sang that song.  The same song that was sung before I came up with this blog title.  The song that helps explain my faith journey.  And as I sang those lyrics this morning, I cried out to my Father in thanksgiving.

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
and grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
the hour I first believed

My chains are gone 
I've been set free
My God my Savior has ransomed me
and like a flood His mercies reign
unending love
amazing grace     

A couple weeks ago I was leaning over a toilet out of control, praying, crying out to God to be delivered from the pain.  I wanted to be SET FREE and delivered.  I wanted to feel His mercy.  And He gave it to me.  Without wanting anything in return.  I plead with Him every morning....please Father, keep my baby in my tummy healthy.  Thank you for this time of strength.  Thank you for letting me be the Mommy I want to be to my baby girl, Ellie.  I've missed her.

I was missing who I knew I could be.  The mom I always was to Ellie.  She was seeing a new Mommy.  The kind of Mommy she didn't deserve.  The Mommy I couldn't look in the mirror and be content with.  The one I continued to tell, "Be strong..  Lean on Jesus."

And with HIS STRENGTH I am able to be the Mommy I want to be to Ellie.  The wife I want to be to Jon.  The daughter I want to be to my parents (while temporarily living under their roof).  The sister I want to be to my siblings.  The aunt I want to be to my nephews and nieces.  The friend I want to be to those I haven't been able to reach out to since we lived farther away and then I got sick and pregnant.  I can't wait to what this next month has to offer.  And in the mean time thanking my Heavenly Father He has given me the chance to feel better--to reach my potential--and be back to a better "normal."

A month ago I was getting "breakfast in bed" and praying it wouldn't come back out.  And half the time it did.  A few times hubby carried me (holding my garbage can) up the stairs before he left for work.  He was always willing to help me start the day before he left.  But today I didn't get breakfast in bed.  I got something better.  I was capable of getting it myself, enjoyed every bite, and kept it down! :)

It was a Happy Mother's Day to me today, because God has given me such a GREAT gift.  The gift of mothering another baby where my pregnancy sickness has died down sooner than ever thought possible.  A loving family who has helped and supported me along the way, and a sweet daughter to remember God's unending love for His children.

and now SO looking forward to Father's Day!! :)

Friday, May 3, 2013

Spring is for new beginnings

As spring has yet to fully set in....I can still sit here and ponder at the wonderful blessings God has given us.

A week ago I was holding my stomach pleading for a break from sickness.

And God delivered.

Each day this week I have gotten more and more time where I feel more like myself!  Yes, at first I was concerned about my baby, but I still have moments that remind me I'm still pregnant.  And I thank the Lord.

Like yesterday I ate my chocolate bunny my mom forgot to give us on Easter.  yumm!

I've done laundry, fed myself, and taken care of my baby girl without feeling icky.
It's like a spring feeling!  I just pray it can continue to stay this way! :)

Sunday I will be celebrating my 25th birthday!  Can't believe it's already here!  I'm so glad it's finally May!  It will be fun to (some day) take Ellie outside and on more walks.

Jon and I are also in the process of trying to purchase a house.  I can't say much about it right now until everything goes through.  But we're excited about this next step in our lives together!  It will be quite the year for sure!  If you have any tips about purchasing a house for the first time, updating, etc just let me know! :)  I'm excited to make a house ours.  There's just something about it.  I haven't been able to pick my own paint colors for walls.  EVER.  I am SO excited!! :) :)

And I'm sure you knew our sweet Ellie will be seven months old tomorrow.  She is really started to move!  I have to keep my eye on her.  (Another blessing that this didn't start until now rather than five weeks ago!)  She is really moving and figuring out how to get from one side of the room to the other!

Above is a picture of my couch with my prego needs on the table.  I usually have a blanket out with toys on it for Ellie to play with, but she's past that now!  She's all over the place so the blanket is useless now!  That turtle cracks me up!  She was playing with it and then she moves way over to the table to the right of the couch and tries to play with those cords.  So I move her back and she makes her way to that recliner (front right in the picture).  That silly girl!  There's more toys for her to play with but they always get spread out around the room.  She's quite the sweetie!

Well, that's all for now.  Some time soon I'll make a post about my sweet, 7 month old and how she has grown!  Until then, drinking some lemonade and finishing off whatever food I can find. :)

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Spring Updates

I've been meaning to post more on my blog to keep my readers up to speed on life. However I was dealing with 24/7 morning sickness...and I don't think I need to go into much detail beyond that.  It's clear.  Going up the stairs made me throw up.  Eating too much made me feel worse.  It was all about balance.

But for some reason (thank you God and baby) these past couple days I've been starting to feel better.  I'm still feeling nauseous from time to time and a couch potato, but a LOT better than I was last week.  Getting Ellie up from her nap doesn't cause me to throw up.  (Nothing like having to stop nursing to throw up in your nearby garbage can!) Such a blessing this week for the break.  Thank you, Jesus.

During moments of needing to keep my mind off of sickness, I looked back on past posts I have made and noticed I need to continue the love story of Jon and I and how we came to this time in our life.  I need to talk about our proposal and on.  There's lots of things to include.  So let me get on that some time soon!

Until then know that we are enjoying our sweet Ellie.

I haven't been out of the house since Easter, so yeah over a month now.  I've been in pajamas (duh), not doing my hair (why would I?), and well sounds like a dog's life!?!  Except I don't go outside.

My parent's dog, Abby

Here's some pictures from Easter.  I did post these up on Facebook not too long ago, but would love to update here as well.

Ellie and her cousin, Max

Ellie (about 6 months)

My parents 

They are letting us live with them right now.  Which has been a blessing while we go through the process of buying our first home (Jon started his new job March 11th).  It was also an added bonus since we found out we were expecting and I would be able to get the extra help with Ellie and getting meals taken care of.  They have enjoyed having Ellie around and wish we would buy a house next door!

Our little family on Easter
(I've been pregnant two Easter's in a row!)

Our family with Jon's mom
It was a fun Easter.  My morning sickness started so it was very interesting.  However we told Jon's family that weekend.  It was pretty fun!  Easter was also the last day I was able to enjoy full meals.  But this time around (unlike Ellie's pregnancy) I made sure I took the time to enjoy the food and my ability to eat! :)

Thank you all for sticking around with me (us).  We are truly exited to meet this new little one!  We have quite the year ahead!