Wednesday, April 18, 2012

The story of waiting....

Honestly, this is going to be interesting to write.  I get to tell you the whole story of why I am 17 weeks pregnant and still do not have an ultrasound picture, have not heard the sound of the heartbeat, and no prenatal care.  Before you go into freak out mode let me explain my thoughts and then I'll continue on to explain the whole story!

Why will this be so interesting?  First of all, there are SO so many details to it so some most will be bored by it.   However I know some are wanting to hear the whole thing to fully understand.

Another reason it will be so interesting is to hear you say that it doesn't bother me that much that no one knows what the baby is up to in there.  Yes I would be lying if I am DYING to hear the heartbeat and to see the ultrasound to watch my baby moving around in there--nothing like "meeting" your baby! :)  But I am totally okay with no prenatal care and just waiting for the right "timing" of it to all fall into place.

My boss couldn't say it any better than how I am feeling and thinking about the whole thing,
"You know?  They could do all the tests in the world to find out how your baby is doing, but ultimately God is going to have that baby exactly how He wants it to be."

Healthy, not healthy, with a disorder, or something else...God already has something planned out for us.  This baby is exactly what He has planned for us to have.  We could do all the prenatal care and tests done that we want but no matter what, God is going to give us a baby in the way that He wants us to.

In the mean time of all this hard ache (story explained soon) I have tears in my eyes because I am so thankful that I get to be someone's Mommy!  Taking one sick day at a time (or one non sick day hopefully) and just allowing it to soak in that I am caring for a little one.  I am so thankful for this privilege.

To God be the glory in this journey of Motherhood (and parenthood for Jon and I).

The Story of First Trimester & continues on...
Jon and I found out we were pregnant about 6 weeks along.  We called a clinic here in Ames to make an appointment, because I thought it would be nice before telling family and friends to make sure it was true!  When we called they told us to call back later, that I wasn't far enough along (need to be 8-10 weeks).

The next call was made to my health insurance.  That whole or-deal is a long story, but to sum it up: We are not covered for prenatal care unless we would have made that change BEFORE we became pregnant.

Oh joy....the craziness begins.

(Side note: We thought we were covered as soon as we had gotten married.  To help us think that, after we married, my insurance pretty much doubled in price per month!)

So for the next few weeks (now are just a blur), I was REALLY sick and Jon and I were trying to figure out what to do about the whole insurance situation.

Next we go through a lot of phone calls and things to get things set up to be on Iowa Care (not qualified for Medicaid thanks to our savings account and our love of saving up for things in the future).
So I decide when I'm about 10 weeks to call in and just set up an appointment.  It's the right time frame and everything....right?


"Why didn't you call 4 weeks ago to set this up?  We are booked!"

Oh, I thought we did!  They wouldn't let us!

So the appointment gets made for Tuesday, April 10th when I would be 16 weeks along.  I get the time off work and it works well with Jon's schedule.  The day before I get a call while I'm at work.

"Just wanted to inform you that we do not take your insurance, we do not take Iowa Care.  If you still want to come see us you can pay $3500 up front and that includes.......up to the delivery."

(Did I mention that I had called when I was 10 weeks pregnant and they waited over five weeks before calling me to tell me this?)

So after talking for nearly for many minutes to this lady, the decision was pretty much made.  We were back to square one, cancelling the appointment.  We were not going to pay the $3500 since we would not be delivering our baby in Ames!  During nap time (at my nanny job) I take most of the time calling Iowa Care and my mom...and we got some things figured out.  Just had to wait for the right people to get back to me after leaving messages.

April 11th is when I get a call back.  I can go to Des Moines for an appointment--yeah for ultrasound!  However, I can't have my first appointment with OB-GYN until AFTER I go in and have them do a test to prove I'm pregnant.  I jokingly ask her if I can bring in my barf bags and she says, "Sorry I know but it's policy."  I let her know I was totally joking and tell her I understand.

Tuesday, April 17th my dad drives me to Broadlawns Women's Center and I get to pee in a cup! ha!
Shortly after, she comes out and tells me I am most certainly pregnant and 17 weeks along that day!  She asks me a few questions and we set up an appointment for me to come and get my first real pregnancy appointment!! :)

We found out we were pregnant on January 30th and now get to "see" it on the ultrasound on April 30th, maybe this baby will come September 30th?  :)  Just a thought!

I know that story was long, I warned you, however that's as detailed as I'm going to get!  If you have any further questions just ask me, but I tried to be as specific as possible.  Someday I'll look back at this story and it will be history....and my child will be with me!  What a BLESSED day that will be!

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Idols and Worship

When idol worship is brought up "they" remind you that it's not all about statues.  It can be a number of "things" that you put before the money, fashion, career, education, and the list goes on.  After a wonderful sermon they allow you to have time to yourself to personally have quiet time with the Lord and allow you to talk to Him about your idol.

To come clean, ask for forgiveness, and be in love with His grace.

However I receive this quiet time with saying things like, "Lord I don't know if any of those 'things' are a problem for me.  Yes I like to look a certain way or have a certain amount of money...but I truly have something else that I put before you Lord."

Then there's silence.

And the Lord speaks to me.

I hear Him telling me that He knows what my idols are and He knows when I come to worship Him on Sunday mornings I plead for His forgiveness and with joy I find His forgiveness.

Because all He wants from me is the worship through out the week.
To stop caring how badly people think of me and not to allow that to get in the way of doing what He wants me to do.  He also wants me to be silent.  Be a better listener and allow me to hear Him through every day life and conversations.  To stop caring about being comfortable.  That getting a little dirty and being sick is more glorifying than being perfect.  He wants me to stop feeling guilty and allow that to get in the way of my walk with Him.  He wants to use my every day life as a way to bring glory to Him.

My amazing Savior filled with grace and mercy wants me to live a life pleasing to Him.  Hard?  Yes.  Worth it?  Yes.  Why?
And no the answer is not "because I said so...."

The answer is....His Son paid the price.

Take some time to listen to this...