Jesus, Fill Me

Randomly this past week I've been getting a song stuck in my head....(lyrics below and here's a link to listen to it)

Jesus, I am resting, resting,
In the joy of what Thou art;
I am finding out the greatness
Of Thy loving heart.
Thou hast bid me gaze upon Thee,
And Thy beauty fills my soul,
For by Thy transforming power,
Thou hast made me whole.

Refrain
Jesus, I am resting, resting,
In the joy of what Thou art;
I am finding out the greatness
Of Thy loving heart.

O, how great Thy loving kindness,
Vaster, broader than the sea!
O, how marvelous Thy goodness,
Lavished all on me!
Yes, I rest in Thee, Belovèd,
Know what wealth of grace is Thine,
Know Thy certainty of promise,
And have made it mine.

Simply trusting Thee, Lord Jesus,
I behold Thee as Thou art,
And Thy love, so pure, so changeless,
Satisfies my heart;
Satisfies its deepest longings,
Meets, supplies its every need,
Compasseth me round with blessings:
Thine is love indeed!

Ever lift Thy face upon me
As I work and wait for Thee;
Resting ’neath Thy smile, Lord Jesus,
Earth’s dark shadows flee.
Brightness of my Father’s glory,
Sunshine of my Father’s face,
Keep me ever trusting, resting,
Fill me with Thy grace.

----

And unfortunately I don't have all the words memorized, but the more I ponder those lyrics, as I go about singing, I can't help but truly search what is going on in my heart.  My heart isn't restful.  It's actually far from it. 

It's more like weeping.  I feel like I should be singing, 
"Jesus I am weeping, weeping...at the joy of what thou art!  I am finding out the greatness of thy loving heart!"  

And when singing weeping, I'm thinking "uncontrollably thankful at His faithfulness, grace, mercy, and love on me.  on us."

Because without that loving faithfulness of His, I wouldn't be able to rest.  I wouldn't be able to KNOW where I can go when I'm in distress.  When I feel like I have nothing to give--no body, no love, no baby, no time, no service, no joy.  I'm NOTHING without Him.  I'm not even CLOSE to what Job's life was like...having everything and getting everything taken away from him.  I still have family, my spouse, and firstborn.  I still have LIFE around me.  I can go on.  And that's why I fall.  Weeping.  His grace has kept me from loosing everything and yet He still allows me to fall at His feet in pain.  Agony.  Because He knows I miss my babies.  He knows I feel an emptiness inside me.  He knows I need to allow HIM to fill it.  

His love still amazes me! :)  

And I'll leave with this verse:

Simply trusting Thee, Lord Jesus,
I behold Thee as Thou art,
And Thy love, so pure, so changeless,
Satisfies my heart;
Satisfies its deepest longings,
Meets, supplies its every need,
Compasseth me round with blessings:
Thine is love indeed!








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