my mind wonders constantly. you cant be diagnosed with it or anything. how can you really know for sure. i had a teacher study me pretty deeply, and after a couple years she sat my parents and I down (i was an adult at the time) and said "i cant know for sure but i think mary has ADD."
really? that makes a lot of sense really.
i dont organize sermon notes very well but i do fill them out...otherwise i will forget what the pastor said. obviously not intentionally. i always thought i was just totally stupid. that one student in the class that forgot everything the teacher said. why was it coming so easy to everyone else? why did everyone get better grades than me and i know i had studied a lot longer and harder than them. something must be wrong with me...or i am seriously stupid. my brain cant handle that much info apparently. tests are AWFUL. no matter what i do i would struggle.
that teacher that helped "diagnose" me helped me so much with stuff. that "class" completely changed my life. she gave me the encouragement i needed to succeed. she showed me different ways of doing things. i was able to memorize nine sentences in a row with out help. i was capable of drawing a figure "8" on the chalk board stating the direction while she gave me multiple step equations, and i solved them. sometimes i gave her the answer before she knew what it was. she smiled and said you know more than you think.
maybe sometimes it was just me thinking i was stupid and incapable. maybe i just needed someone to tell me 'you can do this.' even though i had some in the past tell me i was okay i never was encouraged and showed how i was capable. i never saw the solution. i never solved anything before some one else. playing around the world in school trying to "beat" the other classmate was a nightmare for me. but now, now i think i might beat them a couple times.
i was stupid because i allowed myself to dwell in it. i felt crushed because i couldnt face anyone about it. i pleaded for God to help me. i asked him why he had allowed this to happen to me. why would he want someone to suffer in stupidity?
He wants me to suffer to allow His healing hands to magnify. He wants my life to reflect His glory. He wants my injured heart to rejoice in His perfection. He wanted me to plea for His mercy and salvation. He wanted me to see my need for His grace. He wanted me to know for sure that I was worth nothing with out Him.
our God is the healer. everlasting perfection.