Wednesday, June 8, 2011

TK Conversations

Ever since Jon and I have started a relationship people inform us about just waiting for our first "fight."  When we told them we never had one, they said wait until you are married and you'll fight over something so small.

We still don't understand what they mean.

Don't quote me wrong however.  We understand disagreements and making the other person upset and frustrated.  We feel like we have never had a fight before, because our meaning of fight isn't disagreeing on something.  Usual fights include raised voices, hurt feelings, and the need for reconciliation.  

Jon and I have had situations where someday (hopefully not) could turn into a fight if we're not cautious.  I call them TK conversations.  What are those?  Well, the "T" stands for Tometich (for me) and "K" for Kaisand (for Jon).  Meaning, whenever we have a disagreement or conversation that leads to frustration it's usually because we respond in the way we have always responded in the past.  We grew up in our families where we're used to the way things went and how things "should work."  I'm not going to go into details about each of our little "things" that we do, for the sake of gossip or other things like that.  However I will mention that we've discussed how we are going to respond when those issues arise.

For example, I KNOW when something has set Jon off a little bit.  I can tell.  I respond with, "Sorry Jon, this may be a TK conversation.  Let's talk about this."  It allows us both to know how vulnerable or sensitive the other person is about that certain topic, etc.  Vise versa when it's something that gets me a little upset I know how to confront Jon and it doesn't turn into a big argument. 

Like last night I asked him if I could bring something up that might be a little sensitive for him and I wouldn't want to disrespect his desires and needs.  He told me how to talk to him about it...stay calm, be super duper nice, and use as many positive words as possible.  That gave me the opportunity to not hold things inside and let my bitterness towards something that was hurtful to me to get in the way of our relationship.  The conversation led to a husband who was willing to do practically anything to help me out.  I was rewarded with no argument, a happy husband, and a man after my own heart wanting to please me! :)

Ephesians 5:1-2, 21-33

Be imitators of God, as beloved children, and live in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Wives, be subject to your husbands as you are to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the church, the body of which he is the Savior. Just as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives ought to be, in everything, to their husbands.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, in order to make her holy by cleansing her with the washing of water by the word, so as to present the church to himself in splendor, without a spot or wrinkle or anything of the kind-- yes, so that she may be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as they do their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hates his own body, but he nourishes and tenderly cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, because we are members of his body. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This is a great mystery, and I am applying it to Christ and the church. Each of you, however, should love his wife as himself, and a wife should respect her husband.

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