Raising Your Love Language
By now you all probably know I've been reading and focusing on Raising Your Spirited Child. Not long into Ellie's toddler months did we start to notice a shift in her behavior and stamina. Her cries were more. Her happiness was more. Her emotions were more. And not just due to her age. I remember thinking "just get by until she's four. Things do get easier by then. You've worked with so many kids, you know the switch. It's a huge transition. Soon you will be able to breathe."
Four came and went. And I still had a child back peddling. Even with potty training. I was so helpless. I had given up. Until I joined every Facebook group I could to get some sort of understanding and advice on what was going on. A mom mentioned the book. Showed me snapshot pics of some of the stuff inside. There wasn't one sentence that I thought "nope this isn't it." I knew my life was about to become more understanding. I went ahead and purchased the book on Amazon.
And not only am I, but Ellie is benefiting.
I still go to bed exhausted, way past the time I should be (heck I'm writing this post after 1am). And I wake up still confused on what to do differently. Being consistent, doing things everyday, staying active and busy, or staying chill ALL do not change the outcome of our spirited daughter. It's like asking Iowa weather to stay predictive. It just doesn't happen.
Never in my dreams did I ever picture questioning everything. Do I just send her off due to her extrovert personality and get a full or part-time job? Do I send her to get some sort of sensory therapy to help us both? Will doing nothing different help or harm us? Will I ever stop wondering if I'm doing the right or wrong thing?
Nope. #MomProblems
When you need a boost in your relationship, say marriage, people tend to offer the 5 Love Languages book as a reference to help out. There's also a book for kids.
I had a thought cross my mind today as I had to be consistent and thorough with my parenting thanks to my spirited five year old. Most people have one way of feeling loved (based off the 5 options). I thought today, Spirited Children prefer ALL 5 love languages. The five are: quality time, physical touch, gifts, acts of service, and words of affirmation. (The book talks about how if you do the opposite it backfires if that is the persons #1 love language. Well, here are my thoughts on that with my spirited.) Just a small glimpse of my day.....
Quality time: I can't do anything unless you are right here with me to do it. I also am going to tell you how and when I need your presence to make me happy with you. If you leave me and I didn't want that hell will break loose. How dare you. I'll scream forever long I choose thanks to your inability to know and do as I want.
Physical touch: I need your hugs, however do not touch me at this particular moment whenever I decide that is. It changes in the moment.
Gifts: I love having things. I can't leave a store without that thing. When you buy me something I'm filled with gratitude. You make my favorite food I'm happily engaged. When you don't, that means you don't like me. How dare you even have that in our house?
Acts of Service: help me with my socks today, not that way, you're doing it wrong. Do that for me cus I don't wanna do it....you do it. You'll know if you did it exactly how I was thinking.
Words of Affirmation: when you say things I didn't want you to say it made me boil up inside, I can't handle it if you say something like that, or even look at me. When you applaud my work or how I do something I jump for joy and get excited. I need you to tell me how good I am.
*******
"You just made that all up." Nope. Unfortunately I didn't. Yesterday my Spirited told me not to look at her ONCE while she put away her puzzles or else that meant I didn't believe she could be truthful. Long story.....
Today she had a 10 minute screaming fit due to the fact I had her clean up the socks and underwear she threw on her floor to hide so she didn't have to put them away.
The other day she was upset with me cus I wasn't sitting the right way while we worked on a puzzle together.
I have it tucked in my memory that she showed her little brother how to do something so he could do it all by himself the next time.
I remember she got her brother to laugh so he wouldn't be so cranky. She also helped him find his favorite toys to keep him occupied due to the fact he couldn't understand in thirty minutes we would be eating.
I also remember the days she spends so much time making the house look nice so Daddy will come home to a home that looks relaxing.
Moments where she's her sweet, joyful self that I know is always there...some days hidden more than others....really helps the moments I have to step back and reanalyze a new approach. Not only has she made me question everything I once knew or thought about parenting, she has also been a part of strengthening and nurturing them too.
Four came and went. And I still had a child back peddling. Even with potty training. I was so helpless. I had given up. Until I joined every Facebook group I could to get some sort of understanding and advice on what was going on. A mom mentioned the book. Showed me snapshot pics of some of the stuff inside. There wasn't one sentence that I thought "nope this isn't it." I knew my life was about to become more understanding. I went ahead and purchased the book on Amazon.
And not only am I, but Ellie is benefiting.
I still go to bed exhausted, way past the time I should be (heck I'm writing this post after 1am). And I wake up still confused on what to do differently. Being consistent, doing things everyday, staying active and busy, or staying chill ALL do not change the outcome of our spirited daughter. It's like asking Iowa weather to stay predictive. It just doesn't happen.
Never in my dreams did I ever picture questioning everything. Do I just send her off due to her extrovert personality and get a full or part-time job? Do I send her to get some sort of sensory therapy to help us both? Will doing nothing different help or harm us? Will I ever stop wondering if I'm doing the right or wrong thing?
Nope. #MomProblems
When you need a boost in your relationship, say marriage, people tend to offer the 5 Love Languages book as a reference to help out. There's also a book for kids.
I had a thought cross my mind today as I had to be consistent and thorough with my parenting thanks to my spirited five year old. Most people have one way of feeling loved (based off the 5 options). I thought today, Spirited Children prefer ALL 5 love languages. The five are: quality time, physical touch, gifts, acts of service, and words of affirmation. (The book talks about how if you do the opposite it backfires if that is the persons #1 love language. Well, here are my thoughts on that with my spirited.) Just a small glimpse of my day.....
Quality time: I can't do anything unless you are right here with me to do it. I also am going to tell you how and when I need your presence to make me happy with you. If you leave me and I didn't want that hell will break loose. How dare you. I'll scream forever long I choose thanks to your inability to know and do as I want.
Physical touch: I need your hugs, however do not touch me at this particular moment whenever I decide that is. It changes in the moment.
Gifts: I love having things. I can't leave a store without that thing. When you buy me something I'm filled with gratitude. You make my favorite food I'm happily engaged. When you don't, that means you don't like me. How dare you even have that in our house?
Acts of Service: help me with my socks today, not that way, you're doing it wrong. Do that for me cus I don't wanna do it....you do it. You'll know if you did it exactly how I was thinking.
Words of Affirmation: when you say things I didn't want you to say it made me boil up inside, I can't handle it if you say something like that, or even look at me. When you applaud my work or how I do something I jump for joy and get excited. I need you to tell me how good I am.
*******
"You just made that all up." Nope. Unfortunately I didn't. Yesterday my Spirited told me not to look at her ONCE while she put away her puzzles or else that meant I didn't believe she could be truthful. Long story.....
Today she had a 10 minute screaming fit due to the fact I had her clean up the socks and underwear she threw on her floor to hide so she didn't have to put them away.
The other day she was upset with me cus I wasn't sitting the right way while we worked on a puzzle together.
I have it tucked in my memory that she showed her little brother how to do something so he could do it all by himself the next time.
I remember she got her brother to laugh so he wouldn't be so cranky. She also helped him find his favorite toys to keep him occupied due to the fact he couldn't understand in thirty minutes we would be eating.
I also remember the days she spends so much time making the house look nice so Daddy will come home to a home that looks relaxing.
Moments where she's her sweet, joyful self that I know is always there...some days hidden more than others....really helps the moments I have to step back and reanalyze a new approach. Not only has she made me question everything I once knew or thought about parenting, she has also been a part of strengthening and nurturing them too.
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