But today I took a deep breath. Put clean clothes on, did something with my hair (Momma, where we going?), and put some make up on to trick people into thinking I'm not a zombie for Halloween. Then I got Ellie ready and the baby. Loaded us all up and headed out (1.5hrs after that original thought of getting OUT).
It was the time I usually put the baby down for a nap. It was usually the time I do some laundry or give Ellie a decent lunch. By the time we arrived at the first destination, it was Ellie's nap time. Before going into Aldi's I gave her the Mom pep talk. I expect xyz kid, help me help you! We're doing something fun, so let's make the best of it. After a decent shopping experience, we went to Walmart. We sat down with McDonald's (I know we're super healthy over here.) I needed some things at Walmart, so that's what we did. While sitting there I'm watching Ellie enjoy her meal and tell me how thankful she is for it. Then I see Jayden about to fall asleep.
I can do this. I felt this freeing feeling.
I shut down my barriers of MUSTS as a mom with young kids and nap schedules and did something rare for us. For me. I could breathe. It wasn't the best cheeseburger, but my kids were not making me go crazy. After bathroom stop we got things off my list and Ellie grabbed everything pink.
As I loaded up the car to go home I thought let's do a park after kids get some rest. I finally felt freedom in my decisions. I finally felt like the burdens I was carrying were lifted. I didn't feel stuck.
And my 4yo....willingly went to lay down for nap/rest time. And i got dinner prepped. I got groceries put away, and a load of laundry going. I did things i wanted to get done today, AND I got to do other things too. I found JOY and delight in parenting again. Maybe because it's Friday and it's beautiful outside. Or just maybe, maybe I didn't feel like I had to control my kids all day. I was able to just let us Be.