Set Free

Almost got out of bed last night to write this post but I decided not to... it was already past 2am .  Here are some thoughts on what I have (or haven't) experienced.  Some of you might relate and some of you will benefit from getting a better understanding of grieving a child.  Please if you have anything to add to this "list" just let me know!  I tried to think of every option. What NOT to say to a grieving Mom. 1. First and foremost, don't tell this woman she is not a mom .  Just because you don't physically see a baby does not mean she is not one!  And even if you don't say it, don't make or let her believe that statement is true. 2. "God has a plan!" or "It's all in God's timing."   Don't even mention God and His timing in any context.   God's timing allowed that woman to become pregnant in the first place.  That brings up way too many topics that you don't even want to go to.  Or do you?  Do you really wa...

Remember back in September when I shared with people I was expecting again?  After losing Taylor, I felt I was given a second chance.  This time was different.  When I had a day where I started to not feel "as sick" I thought positively because I had "mom-instinct."  Because how could you lose two babies in one year?  Why would I have to miscarry again?  I lost one baby a couple months ago, no way was I going through all this sickness again for nothing..... But it wasn't nothing. After Labor Day weekend of a lot of activity I was sensing something was wrong.  I had to deal with the fact....there WAS something wrong.  AGAIN.  I had to be off the couch all weekend and walking around a lot and I wasn't nearly as sick as I should be.  I tried to remind myself "it's a different pregnancy" and "God is blessing you with a break from as intense sickness because of all the stuff going on."   For some people, that busy weekend would just ...

This night a week ago I was packing like crazy preparing to move into my not-yet-ready-to-completely-move-into-yet house.  People questioned why move in before it was truly ready?  There were plenty of reasons, but not worth mentioning right now. Overall though it was worth to have our little three-some family back together. Jon had been living at the house for quite awhile and working on finishing up the bathroom. The day we moved in the bathroom looked like: We have a "usable" typical basement bathroom (aka it has plumbing) in the basement.  So those 5am morning potty breaks you have to go to the cold basement to go.  Or showering with no ceiling above you (Did I mention spiders possibly attacking your head?  yes I have a terrible mind that is always messing with me).  There's also the fact that there is constant water draining from a pipe from outside down the drain where you are standing in the shower.  Dirty water.  Yep, my life. ...

Ellie turned 17 months old a few days ago. Hide 'n Seek is a fun game....except when you're calling for your daughter and she doesn't understand to say anything back.  And there you are...searching aimlessly throughout the house. So here's a post of all my daughter's favorite locations in my parent's house. This only seemed right since we're moving on Monday!  She'll have a whole new house to explore (and of course plenty of boxes)! The Kitchen Pantry:  What toddler wouldn't want to explore this though?  She likes taking things off the shelves, grabbing water bottles, etc.  Then she crawls around the house with one of the objects.  She also knows that's where her favorite snacks are and whenever the door doesn't get shut completely....she crawls in there to check things out.  Even though her food is too high for her to reach. Laundry Room: My mom and I have set up baskets in their laundry room to organize all the loads....

*Warning:   You can't say I didn't warn you.  This gets graphic and I open up about the truth of something I never knew about until this past year.  I share details of what it was like to give birth to three babies: one with a heartbeat, two in heaven. * At five weeks pregnant no medical care is accepted.  No one runs to "get you in."  They calmly ask you to flee.  Return at eight to ten weeks they say.  It's as if your baby is not worth checking into.  At 12 weeks they nearly faint if they hear you have not gotten medical care.  As you start puking you try not to chuckle about you picturing yourself barfing in their waiting room...while munching on cracker number 50. At sixteen weeks you finally "get seen" and you try to get a good look at your moving baby.  Your heart skips a beat as the "student" who comes in first has a hard time finding your little one's heartbeat.  The ultrasound shows a highly mobile baby, so much so mea...

Listen here on youTube , but here are the lyrics: Who are we That You would be mindful of us What do You see That's worth looking our way We are free In ways that we never should be Sweet release From the grip of these chains Like hinges straining from the weight My heart no longer can keep from singing CHORUS All that is within me cries For You alone be glorified Emmanuel . God with us My heart sings a brand new song T he debt is paid these chains are gone Emmanuel . God with us Lord . You know Our hearts don't deserve Your glory Still You show A love we cannot afford Such a tiny offering Compared to Calvary But nevertheless We lay it at your feet Such a tiny offering Compared to Calvary But nevertheless We lay this at your feet ----------- As I stood there worshiping my Savior I was humbled.  The songs that morning were all focused on His faithfulness, His mercy, and our desperate need for Him.  It's truly been my walk with the Lor...

Writing another post while my daughter roams my parent's house sure to find treasures.  No doubt.  But until then... My husband is awesome.  Even though he hates snuggling, he tolerates it because that's my love language.  (Not cuddling, but touch.)  He's working full-time and returns to our house in Ames.  He's working hours at night on the house. Our bathroom currently I haven't seen him for over three days.  For some of you that's no big deal.  You have to go weeks, months, or even years without seeing your loved one.  And I can never understand how you do it.  I can hardly make it past two days before I go into curl up mode.  (Yes, I literally curl up with Jon's pillow at night to fall asleep.)  My love language is a toss up between touch and quality time.  So ANY time away from Jon is miserable.  I feel so distant.  Our communication suffers.  And so does our marriage. But lucky for me I can e...