Set Free

I want this post to be read in the right mind set.  So keep this thought in mind while reading, "I changed my desires based off the wrong idea." I had my hubby read this before posting.  Hope it comes out the way it was meant to be. So here goes.... 8.1.14 Growing up I dreamed about my Prince Charming and what he would be like.  I knew in the back of my mind no one is perfect, but I looked forward to sharing my life with someone else. In my head my desires made sense, because he would have desires of his own.  I prayed for a man I could be myself without holding back, someone who had similar interests as me, and desire family values.  As I grew older I feared what he would think of me in my worse state (low sleep, puking, and no make up).  I would go no where without fully "ready."  My confidence level was at a three, and that only drew more attention to my short-comings as a possible mate.  I desired a man who was like my dad--vacuum t...

If you remember my post about my issues with my Type A and Type B personalities it helps explain this post.  I organize my cleaning and organizing to keep me focused, motivated, and gets things done.  It helps me feel better when unplanned visits happen (knowing I did my deep cleaning on x -day). Here's my weekly schedule on a "usually this happens" kind of week. :)  If it doesn't get done I don't get beat up by it.  I just move on. Most Mondays to motivate my start of the week I sort laundry, dust the house, and pick one area to focus on "deeper cleaner."  During nap I throw in two loads of laundry and treat myself to a snack. :) Tuesdays is catch up day.  (See, guilt free motivation!)  Sometimes Monday doesn't go well.  This is a day to not get discouraged.  I usually do more laundry and organize something.  I also sweep and wash the floors where it's needed (which usually is around the area where Ellie eats and in the kitchen...

There's a nominating sharing thing on Facebook going on....sharing five pictures  that make you feel beautiful.  I was afraid to be nominated....at first.  Because.... It's hard for me to bring focus on myself--awkward really.  I'm not use to being the center of attention and never know what to "do" with it.   I'm not a confident individual, nor do I pull it off trying. Whenever I sing "happy birthday" to someone I don't intentionally look at them.  It's such an awkward lengthy song.  Someone who can jazz it up a bit will help me laugh off the awkward attention and blow out candles! When I search pictures where I feel beautiful, I started to notice it was because of what was going on in my life that "represents" that beauty shining though.  I felt beauty in what my life was in that moment.  It felt unconditional. 1. This childhood picture is me as a one-year old .  It's youthfulness reminds me  of childhood.  Sim...

I've always wondered what weaning Ellie was going to look like.  What age?  Would it be because of her or because of me?  Would she cry a lot?  Would she tell me when she was ready?  What will this look like? this looks means "I should be laying on my tummy in my crib!" Back in May I wrote a post about nursing Ellie.   A few things have changed since then, but not a whole lot.  You see, I had a plan A on what weaning her was possibly going to look like.  Then I had to go with Plan B.  Not because of her or me, but because we lost our babies .  I had put some thoughts together when we were expecting.  I had thought to help Ellie adjust to "sharing" Mommy I would nurse her small amounts during day if she needed and once before bed.  I would slowly get rid of those feedings and have Jon put her to bed to have some bonding.  Our first two would have been less than 14 months apart.  Then when we lost that baby we g...

Community posts part two.   Go to Part One if you haven't read it yet. Jon and I are looking for a church that isn't a huge lists of "hopeful things."  Yes, they are preferences but it's not necessarily bad to prefer certain things.  However some things are certain.  There are a few things that MUST be there. 1. Good solid foundation of their faith (The Gospel is clear.) 2. The Pastor reads Scripture and speaks his sermon based off of it. 3. Welcoming, safe and a solid children's ministry/nursery (Does Ellie feel safe beyond her typical cries because she loves Daddy so much?  Do we feel like Ellie is just a number or a sweet soul to teach her about Jesus?) 4. Worship focused. 5.  The community is focused on people being real. We would also like to get involved once we feel like the church is the right "place" for us.  I would like to get involved in the children's ministry (but that is probably at least 2-3 years away, long story).  We ...

Part One: Behind the Scenes.  Felt like I needed to share where I was coming from before I gave my thoughts. Part Two will come soon. :) Have you ever found a church where you attended weekly and felt like it just "fit?"  Then life changes and well, everything changes.  Just like life changes so does your "community."  Here's a blog post I wrote about fellowship that corresponds with this one.   Read it first if you don't know my/our history of community/fellowship. When Jon and I first got married we went to three different churches (not intentionally).  Long story but depending where we were there was a different church to attend.  All three of them were great (are great).  We weren't able to focus on "community" and getting into a small group but we were busy with other things.  Jon was still in school and I became a nanny.  Then we got involved in a small group with our friends who all got married within 15 months of each other ...

6.2.14 Ellie's 20 month old post! After a rough day--who am I kidding a rough week, month, year you name it....I am exhausted.  I feel tired from the first moment I wake up until the moment I put my head on the pillow--Too late I might add.  (insert: hash tag night owl problems) No matter how tired I am in the morning, I still have the ability to chill at night and keep my distance from my bed.  Why?  Because night owl goodness is all about the moments your toddler is in bed and you can just BE.  It's amazing how fast time flies when you're not trying to stop a one-year old from all the fun things they like to do. Ellie has changed a TON in the past month or so.  It's really insane really.  How does life change so much in less than two months?  She went from walking around exploring things like "Hey I can finally walk around and do this on my own now!  How fun!" and now she's like......... --look at that box of puzzle piece...